In April of 2009, I weighed in at 411 pounds. I was out of control, consuming 5000 to 7000 calories a day and eating fast food 3 to 5 times a day as well as eating other meals my ex wife had prepared at home.
I was morbidly obese, I was nearing the point where wiping my own ass completely was a struggle. I slept with a CPAP machine so I didn't die in the middle of the night.
I was fortunate enough to have gastric bypass. Because of the surgery, I went from 411 pounds to 305 pounds which is a significant weight loss but I still had a long way to go.
Over time I figured out how to trick my system and overeat. After losing 100+ pounds I had packed back on another 30.
By March of 2011, I was at 335 pounds. I knew I was close to completely blowing it and screwing the pooch and being one of those 1000 pound motherfuckers you see getting cut out of a house.
I don't want to get off on a spiritual guru fruity tangent here but I will tell you that through my studies of zen, yoga, Alan Watts, Joseph Campbell, LSD, Mushrooms, DMT and a special visit with a Shaman in New Mexico I was blessed with the veil of reality being pulled back.
My deteriorating health was my doing.
My failed relationships were my doing.
My career failures were my doing.
AND MY SUCCESS WAS MY DOING.
Simply what it comes down to is choice.
As entities in this form we were given the free will to choose and through our choices we create our reality.
That's what they don't want you to know.
Society has created this frenetic pace where possessions and accomplishments drive the ego and those folks who have had a rough go of things turn to what is available to find peace, some turn to booze, some to drugs and for a lot of people it's food.
Dollar menu options, savory chemically constructed perfections where scientists have determined the right amount of sodium and sugar to provide short term satisfaction while creating a drive to consume more fast food.
WE ARE KILLING OURSELVES $1 AT A TIME!
So what does it all mean?
Choice.
Success is a series of positive choices in a row until the choices become habits or what they call a life style change.
Failures are the continual choices that only create the outcome of failure.
Why do you choose the way you choose?
For me, I never believed success was possible I had a lifetime of failure, a lifetime of near misses but when I honestly looked at my life, my choices were the cause of my failure.
What they will never tell you, what they don't want you to know, is that your belief in yourself, in choosing to succeed, in choosing to create your reality is up to you.
Just keep choosing.
Meal after meal.
Portion after portion.
Work out after work out.
And you know what?
Sometimes I eat bacon.
Sometimes I drink.
I'm writing this at 36k over the mid west on a Delta Flight and if you saw the weirdo sleep face of the broad next to me you'd slap her with your cock just because the laugh is that good.
That's my office dude. Couple vodkas and a light beer.
In the end today I'm still going to end up consuming 1500 calories and working out because I'm going to choose to do it.
There will come a time when you say FUCK IT I'm gonna lose weight and there will come a time when you say FUCK IT I'm gonna pound 12 beers and eat this bowl of guacamole and chips.
It's fine.
It's all good.
Why are you judging yourself?
Why are you your harshest critic?
Why did you give yourself the job to condemn your choices?
Happiness is here.
Right now.
Do you want it?
Seriously?
Are you worthy of allowing yourself to children be happy?
Were back to choice again?
Your freewill allows you to choose how to act and it also allows you to choose how you judge your actions.
"don't judge lest ye be judged."
One rule.
Accept what is.
Look around you, find the joy, find the positives, find reasons to keep making positive healthy choices and you will begin to manifest your reality.
With diet, exercise and good choices I went from 335 lbs to 280 lbs.
It was a gradual, healthy weight loss. All through choice.
Limiting my portions. Stopping before I was full. Eating slower. No soda. No fast food.
In the fall of 2011 I was diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome which is a genetic mutation which means I have a higher risk of stomach and colon cancer.
I don't have health care. I'm a comic. I don't have a lot of money or time but what I I've is the choice in how to accept this reality.
Right now, Netflix is my healthcare.
I watched "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" where a man from Australia through juicing only lost over 100 lbs and cured a skin disease he had been battleing.
Why couldn't I do that?
What was I missing?
The choice to do it.
These days when Im home in Austin, I juice two meals a day.
I use the Jack Lalane juicer.
It was $99
I juice every day
3 carrots
1 green apple
1 pear
1 red pepper
4 stalks of celery
1 cucumber
1 stalk of broccoli
1 head of kale
1 beet
My other two meals are for the most part vegan.
I learned to like tofu over eggs.
I cook at home.
I made the choice to do this.
When you're ready to be healthy it's there waiting for you, just don't wait too long, some shit you can't come back from.
You're worth it. You were sent here in this form to love yourself and to love others.
The healthier you are, the more energy you have, the more you can love, the more love you will be given to give.
You can change the world once you change yourself.
With this life style change I went from 280 lbs to 250 lbs and it's a good start.
I think 200 will be a healthier weight and I'll keep making good choices to get there.
I get to do this.
Its my life created by my choices.
You get to choose to give a fuck or not.
It's funny at 40 years old with colonoscopys, polyp removal and my very death brought forefront to my reality, I made the ultimate choice to live.
I shop at Whole Foods, I eat Organic, I recycle, no more paper or plastic, I bring my canvas shopping bag because I choose to care about the environment. I don't use Chemicals, everything is all natural and healthy.
At 40 years old I've turned into the biggest left wing liberal fruit cake and that's funny if you knew as a kid how many times I wished the hippies down the street died of cancer.
In the end, time is running out. Live today for today like there are no tomorrows. Love unconditionally starting with you.
Happiness and health are right here, right now, choose to embrace them and thrive.
Disconnect from TV, the media and commercials, they know how to play to your emotions and your drivers.
I made the choices that got me to be a suicidal 411 lb man with a disastrous life and different choices brought it all back to the joy I experience today.
We weren't sent here to suffer.
Choose joy.
Choose love.
Choose to live and be healthy.
From April 2009 to Jan 2012, I've went from a suicidal 411 lb dude to a joyful 250 lb dude and I can tell you one thing.
I'm really hungry.
And I'm OK with it.
If anyone wants to talk, share, have questions etc
Hit me up on Twitter @johntole
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