The Ronnie Mund Block Party Seattle and Portland

The widely discussed and anticipated Ronnie Mund Block Party invaded the Northwest with two standing room only shows in Seattle WA and Portland OR. The fans in attendance were given full access to the festivities, boobs, comedy and wack pack legend Gary The Retard!

The weekend started with the tour members flying to Seattle from New York, Austin and Los Angeles.

Shuli live tweeted the trip @shalomshuli which found Shuli, Ronnie and Scott leaving Sirius in a monsoon.

With Scott behind the wheel the black cloud was definitely along for the trip. The black cloud found it's way into the terminal where Scott was unable to buy water because the register up and died prior to the transaction.

I flew from Austin to Seattle and like all road trips it was marred with stupidity. Personally I'm not a fan of airplane humor but Brian Regan could do an hour on this photo of failure in action.

Seattle is a great city, great fans and we got an unexpected two days of great weather instead of the drab rainy grey cold that's so bad. Cobain took the easy way out.

Some fans met us in the hotel and the Mambo King was signing autographs and a fan had this great idea. In the near future, expect to see eBay stores based out of third world countries selling bootleg "Stop The Clock" or Flava Flav stealing Ronnie's catch phrase.

Shuli, Yucko and Ronnie wait outside the hotel before we headed over to The El Corazon for the meet and greet. Scott is absent because someone or everyone "forgot" to tell him what time we were meeting.

Ronnie Mund and the man behind the scenes Seqouia from Cleanbox Entertainment prepare for a night of wild antics. This photo is what I imagine a 30 year anniversary would look like if the people involved in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters didn't die of loneliness way before.

The meet and greet was great and the fans were able to hang out and get pictures with the tour members. Some were nice enough to share their photos for the tour blog. If you have photos or video you would like included, send them to me on twitter @johntole

After the meet and greet, the crowd was hyped up and ready to rock. Fans were thrilled with Scott The Engineer's high energy dance intro which gave way to Ronnie welcoming everyone and getting the show started. The highlight of Scott's dance was when he tried to enter the stage from the front but it was too high and you could see the look on his face when he realized it wasn't going to happen and he gracefully played it off and entered from the side averting near disaster.

Jason Stewart, who you would know from The Killers of Comedy on the Road and The Promoter, started the comedy off and that gave way to Ronnie's Hot Chick Contest. Then, I was brought up to do my act. The crowd was hot and loved the dirty offensive material. 20 minutes later I was done and out back sweaty and hurling Jameson and pizza because I'm a disgusting human.

Yucko had just flown in from LA and had to get in make up and costume in the cab ride over (which must have been a mind fuck for the cab driver). It's bad enough you gotta drive a cab around, get stiffed and possibly get murdered, now there's an angry clown yelling obscenities and honking a horn.

Yucko destroyed the room and then it was the man of the hour, Shuli Egar who finished out the Seattle Block Party stop with his hysterical act. He was only interrupted once by a gentleman who picked a room full of security and 250 people to yell "white power". That "gentleman" finished the show laying on the side walk and explaining to the cops how he was "misunderstood".

Aside from that, the WA, ID, MT and Canadian Stern fans were incredible and it felt like being with family.

After the show, Ronnie, Sequoia, our camera crew, fans and I went over to Rebar for some late night partying. Ronnie was the king of the dance floor and held court. Side note Rebar is a gay bar and Ronnie was by far the best dancer.

With Seattle successfully behind us, it was time for the Block Party to head on down to Portland. I love surreal moments in my life where I get to drive Ronnie The Limo Driver around.

Justin from Cool Hand Pictures was with us to document the weekend.

Scott was less than enthused about the ride. Shuli the pro prankster was live tweeting the ride and snapping every Scott and Ronnie photo possible when he wasn't interrupting Ronnie's naps with the sound effect app he had installed on his phone.

The highlight of the ride was when we pulled the ol "everyone scream when I jam on the brakes game". See photo for a very terrified Ronnie.

Video is coming soon of the whole weekend so look out for it, it's hysterical.

After 150 miles and a trip to Denny's where Ronnie actually looked at the 55+ menu we arrived in Portland and got ready for our show at The Hawthorne Theater.

The crowd in Portland was huge and loud and took every opportunity to try to derail the block party.

Yucko went up first and was followed by Ronnie's Hot Chick Dance Contest.

After the dance contest Shuli, Gary The Retard and I held down the comedy portion of the show and sent the fans home happy.

We did have to have to some fans removed from the Portland show because they felt it was cool to fuck up the show by yelling and ruin the good fans time. Much respect to the awesome Stern Fans who supported and suck a big dick to the small group of ego maniacs who used the show as an opportunity to yell mindless drivel, you should be ashamed of yourself not just for yelling and being assholes but for doing it in such a boring uncreative way.

We are going to be in Hartford CT at City Steam Brewery on Friday Feb 24th and Stamford CT at
Fiddlers Pub on Saturday Feb 25th and we are excited to have JD Harmeyer with us!

Tickets and information for upcoming shows and cities is available at www.cleanboxentertainment.com

To follow us on Twitter
Ronnie Mund
@rmlimodriver69

Shuli Egar
@shalomshuli

Yucko The Clown
@yuckotheclown

John Tole
@johntole

See you on the road in 2012.

Definitely add us on Twitter and Facebook and as a bonus here is the Mambo King himself in full twitter glory.

John Tole's America Episode 5 is up now!

Here it is after a 2 week hiatus. Its Carey Denise and I breaking down the world as we see it.  This is soon to be on iTunes once we get our approval, which will make all of this Hella Easy!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

The big weight loss secret

In April of 2009, I weighed in at 411 pounds. I was out of control, consuming 5000 to 7000 calories a day and eating fast food 3 to 5 times a day as well as eating other meals my ex wife had prepared at home.

I was morbidly obese, I was nearing the point where wiping my own ass completely was a struggle. I slept with a CPAP machine so I didn't die in the middle of the night.

I was fortunate enough to have gastric bypass. Because of the surgery, I went from 411 pounds to 305 pounds which is a significant weight loss but I still had a long way to go.

Over time I figured out how to trick my system and overeat. After losing 100+ pounds I had packed back on another 30.

By March of 2011, I was at 335 pounds. I knew I was close to completely blowing it and screwing the pooch and being one of those 1000 pound motherfuckers you see getting cut out of a house.

I don't want to get off on a spiritual guru fruity tangent here but I will tell you that through my studies of zen, yoga, Alan Watts, Joseph Campbell, LSD, Mushrooms, DMT and a special visit with a Shaman in New Mexico I was blessed with the veil of reality being pulled back.

My deteriorating health was my doing.

My failed relationships were my doing.

My career failures were my doing.

AND MY SUCCESS WAS MY DOING.

Simply what it comes down to is choice.

As entities in this form we were given the free will to choose and through our choices we create our reality.

That's what they don't want you to know.

Society has created this frenetic pace where possessions and accomplishments drive the ego and those folks who have had a rough go of things turn to what is available to find peace, some turn to booze, some to drugs and for a lot of people it's food.

Dollar menu options, savory chemically constructed perfections where scientists have determined the right amount of sodium and sugar to provide short term satisfaction while creating a drive to consume more fast food.

WE ARE KILLING OURSELVES $1 AT A TIME!

So what does it all mean?

Choice.

Success is a series of positive choices in a row until the choices become habits or what they call a life style change.

Failures are the continual choices that only create the outcome of failure.

Why do you choose the way you choose?

For me, I never believed success was possible I had a lifetime of failure, a lifetime of near misses but when I honestly looked at my life, my choices were the cause of my failure.

What they will never tell you, what they don't want you to know, is that your belief in yourself, in choosing to succeed, in choosing to create your reality is up to you.

Just keep choosing.

Meal after meal.

Portion after portion.

Work out after work out.

And you know what?

Sometimes I eat bacon.

Sometimes I drink.

I'm writing this at 36k over the mid west on a Delta Flight and if you saw the weirdo sleep face of the broad next to me you'd slap her with your cock just because the laugh is that good.

That's my office dude. Couple vodkas and a light beer.

In the end today I'm still going to end up consuming 1500 calories and working out because I'm going to choose to do it.

There will come a time when you say FUCK IT I'm gonna lose weight and there will come a time when you say FUCK IT I'm gonna pound 12 beers and eat this bowl of guacamole and chips.

It's fine.

It's all good.

Why are you judging yourself?

Why are you your harshest critic?

Why did you give yourself the job to condemn your choices?

Happiness is here.

Right now.

Do you want it?

Seriously?

Are you worthy of allowing yourself to children be happy?

Were back to choice again?

Your freewill allows you to choose how to act and it also allows you to choose how you judge your actions.

"don't judge lest ye be judged."

One rule.

Accept what is.

Look around you, find the joy, find the positives, find reasons to keep making positive healthy choices and you will begin to manifest your reality.

With diet, exercise and good choices I went from 335 lbs to 280 lbs.

It was a gradual, healthy weight loss. All through choice.

Limiting my portions. Stopping before I was full. Eating slower. No soda. No fast food.

In the fall of 2011 I was diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome which is a genetic mutation which means I have a higher risk of stomach and colon cancer.

I don't have health care. I'm a comic. I don't have a lot of money or time but what I I've is the choice in how to accept this reality.

Right now, Netflix is my healthcare.

I watched "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" where a man from Australia through juicing only lost over 100 lbs and cured a skin disease he had been battleing.

Why couldn't I do that?

What was I missing?

The choice to do it.

These days when Im home in Austin, I juice two meals a day.

I use the Jack Lalane juicer.

It was $99

I juice every day
3 carrots
1 green apple
1 pear
1 red pepper
4 stalks of celery
1 cucumber
1 stalk of broccoli
1 head of kale
1 beet

My other two meals are for the most part vegan.
I learned to like tofu over eggs.
I cook at home.
I made the choice to do this.

When you're ready to be healthy it's there waiting for you, just don't wait too long, some shit you can't come back from.

You're worth it. You were sent here in this form to love yourself and to love others.

The healthier you are, the more energy you have, the more you can love, the more love you will be given to give.

You can change the world once you change yourself.

With this life style change I went from 280 lbs to 250 lbs and it's a good start.

I think 200 will be a healthier weight and I'll keep making good choices to get there.

I get to do this.

Its my life created by my choices.

You get to choose to give a fuck or not.

It's funny at 40 years old with colonoscopys, polyp removal and my very death brought forefront to my reality, I made the ultimate choice to live.

I shop at Whole Foods, I eat Organic, I recycle, no more paper or plastic, I bring my canvas shopping bag because I choose to care about the environment. I don't use Chemicals, everything is all natural and healthy.

At 40 years old I've turned into the biggest left wing liberal fruit cake and that's funny if you knew as a kid how many times I wished the hippies down the street died of cancer.

In the end, time is running out. Live today for today like there are no tomorrows. Love unconditionally starting with you.

Happiness and health are right here, right now, choose to embrace them and thrive.

Disconnect from TV, the media and commercials, they know how to play to your emotions and your drivers.

I made the choices that got me to be a suicidal 411 lb man with a disastrous life and different choices brought it all back to the joy I experience today.

We weren't sent here to suffer.

Choose joy.

Choose love.

Choose to live and be healthy.

From April 2009 to Jan 2012, I've went from a suicidal 411 lb dude to a joyful 250 lb dude and I can tell you one thing.

I'm really hungry.

And I'm OK with it.

If anyone wants to talk, share, have questions etc

Hit me up on Twitter @johntole

\m/

John Tole's America Podcast

ENJOY!
CLICK HERE TO BE SENT TO OUR SOUND CLOUD PAGE FOR EPISODE 1

CLICK HERE TO BE SENT TO OUR SOUND CLOUD PAGE FOR EPISODE 2

IMO 2 is better.

UNPLUG YOUR MIND!

I stopped watching the news because I’ve grown to the point personally where I can no longer sit and be marketed to in trade for two bimbette spokesholes and an old guy to read a teleprompter full of corporate driven drivel approved at the highest levels of the very corporatocracy profiting on their ability to abuse what little attention I have to offer.

I unplugged, I turned it off, I know longer care, I also no longer know what’s going on in the world around me and I’m completely OK with it because I can’t do anything about it.  My head shaking, my hand wringing is not going to put American jobs back on the table, it is not going to solve the violence in the middle east or our own domestic problems here.  So fuck it.  I’m done. 

I would like to thank the genius who came up with the brilliance that is 9/11 collector coins for being the very product that pushed me over the edge.  I was sitting up consuming various snacks late at night in between some 24 hour coverage of rioting or black Friday shopping or election coverage, I don’t remember.

I do however, have a full grasp on the 9/11 collector coins.  Brought to us by “artisan craftsman”.  Really? Artisan craftsman? I imagine a frail Italian man with a jewelers loop in a quaint shop putting the fine touches on Bin Laden’s beard.  Making sure the apache helicopter, twin towers and flexing Eagle on the other side brings thoughts of freedom, patriotism and revenge.

1 coin is $19.99 yet has a $40 value.  They are selling fake money at half the price of its value that people are buying with real money which is also worth less than its actual value.

Who are buying these?

Who are these morons consuming the lies of mindless television, the guy who watches this commercial and sees a grandfather who fought in WWII, a real war with a real enemy and a real purpose, sitting down with his grandson and high fiving over the revenge murder of a terrorist our own government trained.

It comes in a handsome collector sleeve with reenactment photos from the Assault on Bin Laden’s compound.  WHO IS THE ASSHOLE RECREATING THIS FOR THE PHOTO OP?

Who are buying these?

It’s the people who believe the news is real.  It’s the people who have bought the lie that their attention, their opinion, their patriotism matter and they are the same people enslaved to their couch waiting to be scared by the next boogieman that CNN or Fox News can create for them.

It’s the same people who consume wrestling as sports entertainment.

It’s the same people who vote.

America is that white trash neighbor who lives down the street.  He’s single, he drives a foreign car with a spoiler on it and an American model on blocks in his side yard.  He’s awful with money and is up to his ears in debt, he’s out of work and really doesn’t contribute to the general good of the neighborhood except when he picks a fight with the middle eastern family a couple streets down because he’s fearful and refuses to do anything about his Mexican neighbor next door because that’s where he gets his weed.

That’s who buying those coins.

America is.

Not in John Tole’s America.

Enjoy your week folks, embrace your loved ones and start working out.  The apocalypse is all about cardio and your time is running out.

God Bless.

Seriously ... A wheel chair... Come on ...

I'm sitting at the Columbus airport, it's 5:05am, I'm in a wheelchair and my ankle can only be described as fucked up. The cops and paramedics were hella cool and Carey mixed a sweet vodka infused vitamin water zero roadie that I'm nursing while we wait to fly. Best part is that we ditched the handle of vodka in the garbage outside only to retrieve it thirty minutes later to make the pain and airport boredom manageable. Lol Up The Punx.

So three songs into our pitboss 2000 reunion set tonight during "blow the ladder" I found a soft spot in the stage and I rolled the ankle. I've rolled this ankle before many times at shows. The last time it was this bad, it was the summer of 97, I was in Detroit watching Machine Head and Corrosion of Conformity and after I sang a Cromags cover with MH I noticed there was a shit head seig Heiling in the front row which is enough of an open invitation for violence so we jumped off the monitor and my left foot found his shoulder and my right foot found his face and I dropped 370 lbs of fat kid on him which knocked him out but I traded an ankle for it.

Maybe that's karma coming back that one song after we did "Driving with your Chin Aka the Ballad of Christopher Reeve" where we lyrically bash the handicapped I hemmed up my ankle.

Everything happens for a reason and I'm enjoying being able to be lazy and sit around buzzed in my wheel chair. Maybe it's a wake up call that my 40 year old ass needs to stick to jokes and leave the young mans game of hardcore to the young dudes. Maybe, except every dude I respect is still doing this in their 30s to 60s and I'm gonna keep it up and enjoy it while it's here.

Columbus hasn't changed, the kids and music hasnt changed my friends haven't changed and I can always count on that.

We used to practice twice a week in a warehouse and we hung out and did shows in 2000, 11 years later, same practice space, same songs, but it didnt feel one bit like 11 years had passed, there's something about being involved that stops the aging process.

I am gonna stay young until I die, why? Because I get to choose to. Everyday, every choice, to not be jaded to accept what is and to no longer resist this universe.

I just wheeled my way through security, I was prodded, wanded and searched for bomb residue and I made the best of the process, what else could I do I'm internally raging on vodka and no sleep.

There was a dude in the handicapped stall in the Mens room.... what an asshole. Can't you see that's for people who need it ;).

For the cripples.... Cause they can't mosh.

Everybody move it!

GG investments Inc

I'm pretty sure I witnessed a drug deal today or two CIA operatives trading identical Nike bags that were stored under a bus that goes back and forth from RVA to NYC.

That's normal right.... A bus pulls up, the driver gets out , unlocks a compartment , a guy walks up they trade bags and the dude leaves and the guy goes back to being a bus driver.

That's a pretty sweet gig, I've always wanted to get into international crime or pull some capers or hijinx, but I was raised in the suburbs with the fear of hell and prison rape as a deterrent from being a bad ass and now I smuggle punch lines inside of rape jokes and deliver them to drunks and for a second make them feel better or I'm delusional and the stage is really my living therapy.

I'm on a six hour bus ride to NYC and it just started, I want to sleep but I also don't want to get stabbed in the neck by a stranger but then again maybe I do, stranger things have happened.

Two shows in two days in Richmond and I had a blast, got to meet some new folks and party with old friends. We did a show at what used to be the old Twisters, which pitboss 2000 played there in either 98 or 99, mornings changed 13 years later I'm still a 13 year old saying offensive things in the name of underpaid underattended entertainment.

The show was video taped so there is evidence of me ruining the life of another cunty woman who wanted the show to be about her and I gave her what she wanted but also opened her brain up for the crowd to look inside and laugh. I also told the calling Dwight Goodens father the N word story which they were amusingly horrified by and I had to remind them that if they didn't want to hear racist thoughts they should've tried harder to win the civil war.... So that happened.

20 shots of vodka later I'm hurling clear liquid on my new GG vest and ringworm t shirt and being the belligerent philosopher I've always wanted to be.

Life is amazing, I'm head over heels for Carey and full on love sick in a gay as fuck way but I'm cool with it. It's nice to miss someone , it's very raw but it also keeps my head and heart open to experiencing everything this shit pile has to offer and I'm beyond stoked we get to do spots together in Columbus, I just have to stay alive long enough to make it.

Today's a drinking off day, I normally say that on days where I end up shitfaced but I'm on the road and I have no responsibilities other than writing and performing and riding busses and witnessing drug deals.

I'm going to listen to the new Powertrip songs and you should too.

As far as bands go they are right along with Municipal Waste and Overkill on the awesome scale and it's fucking great to know that level of band is in my backyard, go see them with AF at trees in sept you'll be stoked you did.

Mosh!